Talitha Bullock Talitha Bullock

Outgrowing the old, welcoming the new

Navigating the in-between has always been one of my biggest challenges. The fear of "the unknown" has come up in big ways, as I move through life changes and the cycle of endings and beginnings. I truly believe part of my life purpose is to make friends with it (and help others in doing so, too). 

Growing up I was mirrored that being in control, prepared, and committed to a path was the norm …and celebrated even. Although these things brought me what felt like 'peace', it also restricted my soul’s desire to evolve, grow and embrace all facets of myself. This illusion of control was creating feelings of anxiety, stuckness and unfulfillment.

I’ve found myself in a place again, where I’ve been many times before. The space between. The void. The waiting room. I’ve outgrown the version of my life that I embarked on 4 years ago - quitting my corporate job and starting my own business - and have yet to fully land into the new. I know what no longer feels good or aligned and I have clues of where I’m headed, but the next chapter has yet to begin.

This is a place we humans don’t like to be. Even if it feels like we have no control over the future, we do have a choice... to trust our heart and continue to take steps towards what’s calling us OR remain stuck, holding tightly to the old. In these moments, the practice that I lean into for support is presence… Slowing down and welcoming the feels, the fears, the stories. When I create the space to reflect and look at things from a higher perspective, I’m able to see clearly these truths:

1. I have made it to this point and through all transitions.
2. I have always been guided towards better, when I listen to my heart. 
3. And what’s waiting for me on the other side of “the unknown” is always better than I could control or plan for.

And these truths are the same for you, friend. 

When you let go, you let in what is meant for you… (a life better than you’re dreaming of!).

Author Jenni Adishian

Read More
equine therapy, human connection, attachment Talitha Bullock equine therapy, human connection, attachment Talitha Bullock

Connection to mind and body through equine assisted therapy

I said goodbye as I closed the gate after my client left the outdoor paddock/"therapy office" where we meet and I released a long exhale. I was exhausted. I had originally planned to exercise my horse after the therapy sessions that day but as I checked in with myself I felt a heaviness in my tired body that was begging me to slow down.

I said goodbye as I closed the gate after my client left the outdoor paddock/"therapy office" where we meet and I released a long exhale. I was exhausted. I had originally planned to exercise my horse after the therapy sessions that day but as I checked in with myself I felt a heaviness in my tired body that was begging me to slow down. 

I had two options: power through or pause and listen. (My journey with getting to place where I can ask such a question is another story for another time.) I chose to pause and listen.  

So I grabbed a book and my journal, walked to the center of the paddock and plopped down in the dirt. As I began reading, Wildflower, (my 9 year old bay Half Arabian mare) was meandering around at the far end nibbling on grass. I took note of her distance and felt curious but not surprised by the incongruent emotional energy she was mirroring back to me (more on this later). I continued reading and then, something from my book resonated. I felt my body energy shift, I put down my book and started journaling. As soon as I switched from reading to journaling, Molly lifted her head up from the ground and looked at me as if I had called her name—I had not—she calmly walked from the far corner right up to where I was sitting crosslegged on the ground and stood directly behind me with her knees to my back as if to give me a back rest. I went from being emotionally distant and incongruent to a state of coherence and Wildflower felt it. She offered a grounding presence that validated and confirmed this connection between my mind and heart. My embodied state allowed me to become aware and enjoy the warm breeze in the air and the pleasant sound of birds chirping. The world around me came into focus, I took in the beauty of the North Cascade mountains, the cows grazing in the next pasture over, the feeling of Wildflower’s breath in my hair. I was fully present.

Once I was in my body, I felt the pressure to “do” melt away, I gave myself permission to rest and I ended up lying in the dirt for hours and she stood right there with me the whole time. It was a deeply connected moment of presence and attunement without any words. I left that evening feeling rejuvenated and full of deep gratitude at the simplicity of it all. 

So, what happened exactly? And what is Equine Assisted Psychotherapy?

Horses, as highly intuitive and sensitive beings, have a remarkable ability to mirror and respond to human emotions. Through their nonverbal communication and gentle presence, horses create a judgement-free, supportive environment for individuals to explore their emotions and develop a deeper connection with their bodies.

Connection to the Body and Emotional Intelligence:
Research conducted by the HeartMath Institute highlights the intricate relationship between emotions and the body. They have discovered that emotions are not merely abstract feelings but rather physiological responses that impact our overall well-being and others. By cultivating a strong connection to the body, individuals can enhance their emotional intelligence and develop greater self-awareness and self-regulation that can also be felt by others in their space.

Equine-assisted therapy provides a unique platform for this exploration. As clients engage with horses, they become more attuned to the subtle physical sensations within their bodies. Horses act as mirrors, reflecting our emotions and providing immediate feedback. As clients interact with horses, they observe how their emotions impact the space beyond themselves through observing the impact on the horse's behavior and body language. This tangible representation of their internal experiences helps individuals gain insights into their emotional patterns.

Building Trust and Authenticity:
Equine-assisted therapy also fosters the development of trust and authenticity. Horses are highly perceptive and can detect incongruence between what we say and how we feel. Through working with horses, clients learn to align their thoughts, emotions, and actions, developing a greater sense of coherence, congruence and authenticity.

In the realm of therapy, cultivating connection to the body is a powerful catalyst for personal transformation. Equine-assisted therapy, offers individuals a profound opportunity to explore and strengthen this connection. By engaging with horses, clients develop greater self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and the capacity for authentic and meaningful connections. The therapeutic journey becomes a dance of self-discovery, guided by the wisdom and sensitivity of our equine partners.

You don't have to have a horse to experience this though, you can start practicing coherence by listening to your body and noticing when you feel calm and connected to the world around you.

Written by Kelsey Law

Read More
Talitha Bullock Talitha Bullock

Cultivating Connection with Your Partner: Understanding Attachment Styles and Overcoming Defense Mechanisms

Connection with ones partner can be one of the most meaningful and life giving experiences in a person’s life. But connection is not something that always comes so easily to partners, even those who love each other.

Connection with ones partner can be one of the most meaningful and life giving experiences in a person’s life. But connection is not something that always comes so easily to partners, even those who love each other.

As a marriage and family therapist, I often see couples that are struggling to connect and longing for greater intimacy. These partners are often stuck in negative cycles of interaction, not showing up as they want to be, and not feeling loved and supported in ways they desire. 

A large part of the work I do with couples is to deepen each person’s understanding of their attachment styles and explore the barriers to connection that arise from their defense mechanisms or what I prefer to call safety-seeking behaviors. Essentially, we explore how one’s past is impacting how one interacts with their partner in the present.

Attachment styles, developed in early childhood, greatly influence how we relate to our romantic partners. They are essentially the blueprints for how we experience love, safety and care as well as what we find threatening and emotionally discomforting. 

Our defense mechanisms are the strategies we utilize to keep ourselves safe when we perceive a threat or some emotional discomfort. Unfortunately, they can inadvertently hinder our ability to establish and maintain a deep bond with our partners. Some common defense mechanisms I see in session are denial, avoidance and blame.

1. Denial: Denial is a defense mechanism where individuals refuse to acknowledge their own emotions or the needs of their partner. It can create emotional distance and prevent open and honest communication.
2. Avoidance: Avoidance is a protective mechanism where individuals consciously or unconsciously steer clear of emotional or vulnerable situations. This can prevent couples from addressing important issues, inhibiting growth and understanding.
3. Blame: Blaming others is a common defense mechanism that protects individuals from accepting responsibility for their actions. It creates an adversarial dynamic, eroding trust and hindering authentic connection.

Here are some strategies to promote a more profound and fulfilling connection and to increase ones sense of safety within the relationship:

1. Cultivate Self-Awareness: Reflect on your own attachment style and defense mechanisms. Understand how they impact your interactions and be open to personal growth and change.
2. Open Communication: Establish a safe and non-judgmental environment for open communication. Encourage your partner to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs, and actively listen with empathy and understanding. Choose curiosity over judgment.
3. Practice Emotional Regulation: Learn healthy ways to manage your emotions. This enables you to respond rather than react, fostering a calmer and more compassionate connection.
4. Seek Professional Support: If you're facing significant challenges in your relationship or struggling to overcome barriers to connection, consider seeking the guidance of a marriage and family therapist. They can provide insights and tools tailored to your specific needs.

With increased understanding of ones past and how it impacts ones present, partners can begin to expand their understanding of themselves and each other. Their connection to themselves grows AND their connection to one another grows.

Books:

Hold me tight- Sue Johnson

Attached- Levine & Heller

Why do I do that? - Joseph Burgo

Games: The And by skindeep

Written by: Leslie Vriesman, LMFT

Read More
healing, sadness Talitha Bullock healing, sadness Talitha Bullock

Connection with our Sadness

When we hold in our sadness, we repress what is important. Sadness tells us that something has been buried and needs to felt. Grief is our way to healing.

According to Antoine de Saint-Exupery, "Sorrow is one of the vibrations that prove the fact of living." Avoiding our emotions can make us lose touch with our true selves and the attachment we have to them. When we allow ourselves to feel, we begin to recognize the value of our lives. We care more deeply, aspire for more, and are capable of loving and growing in ways that might not have been possible without embracing our emotions. A full life necessitates experiencing all emotions, including sadness, which often adds a significant dimension of meaning to our experiences.

Throughout my childhood, we moved around frequently - almost every year until I reached college. This meant I had to leave behind many homes, schools, and friends. By the time I was in high school, I was severely sad and depressed; however, sadness wasn't an emotion that my parents knew how to handle or comfort me in. I was raised in a Christian family where hard work and dedication to God held precedence over physical and emotional presence. As a child, I remember feeling sad and scared to feel this emotion, which often led me to hide in the closet, the only safe space where I could cry quietly without drawing attention to my broken heart. For me, sadness wasn't an emotion that felt safe to feel.

How about for you? What did you learn to do with your sadness as a child?

As humans, we have a natural tendency to avoid feelings of sadness. This is particularly evident from a young age, as we're often not granted the opportunity to express the full range of our emotions. From a young age, little boys are often taught to be tough and avoid showing any signs of sadness, as it's perceived as a sign of weakness.

Throughout our lives, we are confronted with painful realities, from the pain of our interpersonal relationships to rejections, frustrations, and incidental hurts. We also face existential issues, loss, diseases, and death. It's worth noting that most of us carry old pain from our past. As children, we depended on others for survival, meaning that many things, like an inattentive or angry parent, could be perceived as threatening. We carried this sadness with us as we grew up, sometimes without even realizing it.

Many of us are fearful that experiencing sadness will cause us to tap into a well of repressed emotions. Consequently, we might adopt methods to cut off or dampen our emotions. As children, we often develop specific psychological defenses to cope with painful experiences, making life feel more bearable but less fulfilling. Unfortunately, the techniques we use to quell our emotions often turn out to be harmful to ourselves and the people we care about the most.

Holding in sadness and repressing our emotions leads to a significant loss, repressed emotions prevent us from engaging with what is truly important to us. Sadness, as a raw emotion, signals that something has been buried, suppressed, or lost. It is the manifestation of an issue that demands to be felt and processed, and if we hold it in, we lose the ability to act on it.

Feelings of grief serve as a way to heal from sadness, but grief is not an accepted way of being in our culture. Our society views grief as a sign of weakness, placing immense pressure on individuals to appear happy, even if they are experiencing significant difficulties. However, we must remember that it is essential to grieve and process our sadness. Grief offers the opportunity to understand and accept those emotions fully. It ensures we hold space for our sadness and creates an adequate space to process these emotions healthily.

A healthy grief process provides an individual with the tools they required to initiate the healing process and reach a place of acceptance, eventually gaining more inner liberation. By honoring all emotions, we provide ourselves with much more freedom to fully engage with life, allowing us to gain a deeper sense of empathy and understanding for those around us.

Written by: Talitha Bullock

Read More
love, relationships, healing Talitha Bullock love, relationships, healing Talitha Bullock

Human Connection: The Choice to Hurt or to Heal

All the relationships we attract serve to either further wound us or further heal us. - Justin Froese

1) “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” 

2) “I wish I hadn't worked so hard.” 

3) “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.” 

4) “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” 

5) “I wish I had let myself be happier” 

You’ve maybe heard of the top regrets of the dying.* While it may not be obvious, I’d invite you to consider that each of the top 5 all have to do with relationships - our connection to others. What is this great longing we as humans collectively feel around how we connect with each other? For most, learning of these top regrets of the dying brings a shift in perspective, sometimes so powerful that we finally speak our truth to a loved one, we tell someone what we really want, or we declare our dream and that we’re moving towards it. 

Ask anyone who’s coexisted with others in any sort of attempt at human connection and they can confirm it: relationships are not always easy or simple. Whether we think of a family situation of any type, friendships, romantic partnerships, or business partnerships we can all agree that human relationships can be the source of our greatest fulfillment and accomplishment, and can also sometimes be the source of our greatest challenges and pain. The power of relationships and what they can bring to our quality of life and fulfillment is no small thing. So how do we make the most of the power of relationships and spare ourselves the regret of wishing we’d done something different? Allow me to share a personal story. 

I can recall a time many years ago when I shared some relationship woes with a friend. It was a time when it seemed I wasn’t being respected and loved like I wanted and felt I deserved. This was apparent in friendships, personal relationships and a potential romantic relationship that was brewing. I had a lot of complaints of emotional turmoil and thankfully my friend was willing to listen and offer some support. After listening to me express one thing after another, almost exhausting myself, I finally paused and looked to her for some compassion and support. She took a brief moment as if to let something sink in and then looked at me warmly and shared something I’ll never forget. She said, “I once heard someone say that all the relationships we attract serve to either further wound us or further heal us.”

This struck me in a profound way! It was as if I had no conscious intention about whether the connections I was contemplating were serving to further wound or heal. But through that statement the power of choice became reawakened for me. I began to see connections in my life as opportunities to experience wholeness and healing. This perspective change brought some connections closer and stronger, and some it let naturally release. It was as if the intention for human connection to be healing rearranged my life, my relationships, my behavior and my priorities. 

Now I’ll be real, it wasn’t always easy. The stories I held of woundings were strong and I was tested by life after this realization. The familiar patterns of relationship dynamics I had attracted before still seemed to show up. And recognizing the patterns, I gradually made shifts towards healing through asking myself honestly although sometimes reluctantly: how would I engage in this connection if healing was my highest choice? 

Sometimes we’re willing to tolerate quite a lot being out of alignment. Whether this is learned behavior, a coping mechanism or a blind spot, I’ve found that life has its ways of making what needs addressing apparent. And when we make a choice towards healing, towards wholeness, we know what to do next to respond and handle any situation. 

Maybe some situations in your own experience are becoming apparent for you while reading this. I’d like to leave you with the invitation to take a moment to write down a few situations where healing, or the realization of wholeness, has been neglected in your life. Next, write out what wholeness would look and feel like in those situations - for everyone involved. Finally, envision how you would act, speak, feel, hold yourself if that wholeness was a fact now. Whether this inspires a healing action or graciously reveals a few more layers to work through, you can be assured that you’re taking the necessary steps now to not later regret what nearly all humans wish they did better before dying: connect.

Written by: Justin Froese


All the relationships we attract serve to either further wound us or further heal us. - Justin Froese

Read More